Thursday, June 10, 2010

Shower Surprise

This last weekend I was supposed to head to San Diego for my future sister-in-law's bachelorette party.  Which was actually perfect timing because a few weeks before I had received an invitation for the same weekend to a wedding shower for my friend Rachel- and the hosts for the party included the ex-fiancé and his new girlfriend.  Annnd, the shower was being thrown at the ex-fiancé's house.  The house we bought to start our married life together.  The house I moved out of two years ago.  

Never in my life have I ever more quickly and gleefully picked up the phone to decline an invitation as I did that one.  

Fast forward to last Saturday.  There were some circumstances that prevented my trip to San Diego.  But at that point I was thinking that I probably still wouldn't go to the party here.  I had already RSVP'ed no. Rachel had no idea I was still in town. If I wanted to get away with playing hooky, my odds were pretty good.  I decided this should be further contemplated poolside with cold beers and good friends. So I packed up and headed out to meet Trey and Erika at their pool.

This is where it gets dicey. I walk up to the pool to find not just E & T, but no less than five other people that will also be at the shower that night.  My odds of getting away with not going were crashing faster than the stock market the day that dude hit the wrong button. {SERIOUSLY HOW DO YOU HIT THE WRONG BUTTON?!} A few beers later, people start asking me if I was going to go.  A mixture of wanting to celebrate with the happy couple and defiant pride led me to start to consider it:  

  • Two of my best girlfriends would be there with me (aside from the bride since she would obviously be working the party).
  • Since I hosted their engagement party I would already know pretty much everyone there.
  • I could surprise Rachel and her fiancé since they thought I was out of town.
  • We'd been out at the pool all day so I had a nice sunburn glow. 
  • A cute, new H&M dress had been hanging in my closet for months waiting for me to be tan enough to wear.  
  • Liquid courage.  I'm not gonna lie.  This was a fairly decent contributing factor.  
  • No one would expect me to have the balls to show up.  Making it all the more fun.  
  • Potential for the house/him to bring back memories that would mess with my head.   
  • Potential awkwardness.  Although, let's face it- probably not any more so than this
  • Potential for drama.  
As you can see, I decided to go.  Rachel was extremely surprised (I think) and it was a great party.  I got to mix and mingle with friends, spend time with the happy couple, and celebrate.  I am so glad I went.  

My mom always told me that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference, and I think with every run-in I get a little more indifferent. I've obviously seen him several times since the break-up, but this was a little different- I was nervous about seeing him in the house.  Our house.  

I was scared that it would bring back good memories until I realized that the house is where everything ended. To me that house wasn't about happy times, it was about me living by myself five days a week while he worked out of town.  It was about extravagance that I never asked for and never really wanted (it was beautiful- don't get me wrong, but it was ridiculous for a young couple to be living in).  It was a substitute and a bribe meant to take the place of a relationship. It was lonely. It was where I made my decision to leave.  

The cherry on top?  He hired an interior decorator to redo it after I left and everything is super traditional.  I am more of a Crate & Barrel, modern furniture, clean-lines kind of a gal myself. 

In the end, I'm happy we both got what we wanted. 


Maggie said...

Good for you! Realizing that the house is about a good decision you made for yourself rather than good memories is so crucial. You know, there's a lot to be said for liquid courage. It's what prompted me to call my ex of eight years a couple of years ago and arrange a meetup. Until then, I thought I'd just live with terrible feelings of guilt and being hated forever, while moving on with my happy life. But after that meetup, I realized that we're both better off now - and most importantly, he realized that too. Helllllooooo closure! And thank you liquid courage for making it happen!

Love that you went to that party, rocking your tan. Huge props.

PinkLouLou said...

So proud of you! This is awesome. I hope to be this classy and strong. Thanks for the inspiration as always.

melissa said...

I'm so glad that it worked out so well. And kudos to you for having the courage to go back! (even if it was in part liquid courage!) I think that it was mature of you to attend and it's wonderful that it left you feeling even more assured of your decision.

Harper said...

"The opposite of love is indifference". The Dot is super smart. XOXO all around Noodle, WELL DONE:)