Monday, August 27, 2012

Thankful

You know what feels really good? Running into your ex-fiancé with your new guy by your side and realizing just how far you've come.

Yep, that sure did happen yesterday. 

D and I went to the Rangers game and decided to go grab a beer at the bar while the rain passed over. We walked in, walked up towards the bar and as I reached the last step, I saw my ex-fiancé, Matthew, at the exact same moment that he saw me. It was one of those situations where if he had looked up a half second later, I probably could have pretended like I hadn't seen him and walked right on by. But once eye contact was made, I was shit-outta-luck. 

Introductions were made, tight lipped smiles were flashed and hollow hugs were exchanged. My favorite part was when we first walked up... I had said hello to Matthew and turned to say hi to his dad right about the time D looked at Matthew and said "well LOOK who it is!" Matthew bears a striking resemblance to one of my guy friends, Mark (who D has met a few times), and thought that's who it was. Matthew was probably all sorts of confused by D's reaction to meeting him. 

All in all, everyone played nice- even pleasant to the point that D said "he seems like a really nice guy" when we walked off. 

Ohhh honey. If you only knew. 

Seeing these two guys standing side-by-side just made me so proud of D and maybe more importantly, proud of myself for how far I've come. 

My taste in guys hasn't always been the greatest. Yes, there have been a couple good ones along the way, but the jerks definitely outnumbered the good guys. This makes me a bit of a cliché, but in my early 20's the jerks are what I gravitated to because the drama always seemed to keep things interesting. The nice guys just lacked that "edge" that I thought was attractive. 

Now that I'm older and have watched friends get married and start to have families, I just want to go back to the 22 year old version of myself and shake the ever living shit out of her. 

I honestly don't know what in the world I was thinking. Yes, the jerks might keep things interesting and might keep you on your toes, but you know what else keeps you on your toes? Kids. You know what sounds miserable? Having kids AND a husband that enjoys keeping me on my toes at the same time. I can't even imagine. 

I used to have to drag Matthew kicking and screaming to family events. D not only happily comes, but does so even when he's already put his time in AND I give him the option to pass. Even more importantly, he genuinely seems to enjoy spending time with the people that are important to me.

After spending eight years where damn near everything was a struggle, "refreshing" doesn't even begin to describe it. 

I feel like this is almost a PSA: if any of you girls out there are in your early 20's and think that jerk you're dating will magically turn into a nice guy and give you a fairy tale ending eventually, please please rethink that plan. And that sweet, maybe-a-little-too-nice guy that you are hesitant to date? You really should give him a chance. The drama may seem fun now, but dating the guy that has a good soul, is honest to a fault, tells you you're beautiful every. single. day, and will not let you touch a car door (even when you're the one driving)... is definitely a better idea. 

Trust me. 

3 comments:

Tiffany Mendenhall said...

Full circle moment! You go girl! So glad life is so good now!

Maggie said...

This makes me so happy! Good for you!

The Waspy Redhead said...

So happy for you that you're in a good place, and proud of you for recognizing your progress. I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for our personal growth. Don't beat yourself up for decisions you made when you were a tiny baby, we all made bad choices.